Fussy Eating
Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
Fussy eating can be a source of added stress at mealtimes. So how can we remove the stress and raise happy and confident eaters?
Why is my child a fussy eater?
It’s normal for children to be ‘fussy’ eaters at some point during their childhood, however it can be a cause of much stress for families at mealtimes. Children can be fussy eaters for a variety of different reasons, such as:
Their developmental stage
They are skeptical and slow to accept new foods
They take longer to learn
Taste and texture sensitivity
They may have a strong gag reflex
They may have had a past bad experience with a specific food
While some fussy or picky eating is normal (effecting approx. 20 - 30% of children), extreme fussy eating such as neophobia (a fear of unfamiliar food) or Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (AFRID) will require specialist help and support. If you are concerned about your child’s eating patterns, for whatever reason, please contact your GP or local dietitian.
Image by Dilawar Ali from Pixabay
What if my child doesn’t want to eat what I have served?
That is ok! Some days it will feel as if you simply can’t fill your child up enough and other days it may seem that they just survive on fresh air and water - and that is completely normal for the majority of children. Children, especially younger children, are very good at regulating their own appetite and will eat if/when they are hungry.
Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility can be a helpful tool to manage meal and snack times and to help develop a lifelong positive relationship with food. As the parent it is your role to be responsible for what (the foods provided), when (the timing of meals and snacks) and where (ideally at the table, away from devices) of feeding your child and it is up to your child to determine how much and whether they eat what you provide. Trust their judgement and be guided by their hunger and fullness cues.
Rather than serving up your child’s meal in the hope that they will eat it all, let your child serve themselves (as age appropriate) and then decide how much they will eat. Alternatively, if it’s easier to serve up your family’s meal in the kitchen, let your children know that “they don’t have to eat it” if they don’t like/want something.
When serving up food for your child, remember children only need small portions of food. Large ‘adult’ sized portions can be overwhelming for younger children. Encourage children to “listen to their tummies” when it comes to how much they eat, rather than eating all that’s on their plate. Pressuring children to eat more, encourages them to ignore whether they are full or not.
Make mealtimes fun and remove any pressure
It’s hard preparing meals only to have them left untouched, especially when you’ve already juggled a number of balls in the air just to get dinner on the table. However, where possible try to make mealtimes fun and remove any pressure to eat - whether it be positive (e.g. “good boy for eating your broccoli”) or negative (“you must sit at the table until you have finished all your veggies”). Children can get turned off foods, just like we can, when they are pressured to eat.
If offering dessert, do so regardless of what your child has eaten
Using dessert as a reward for eating a meal or vegetables, inadvertently creates pressure to eat. It places the dessert on a pedestal as the reward and the meal itself, as something to be endured to receive the reward. If dessert is being served, you can either serve it alongside the evening meal (I know it sounds crazy but you’ll be surprised at what your child may eat - a spoonful of dessert, followed by a spoonful of dinner and so on…or not and that’s ok) or after dinner, without placing any restrictions on how much they have eaten at dinner.
By removing the stress and pressure to eat at mealtimes, your child will grow up having a positive and healthy relationship around food and become a confident eater.
Serve one meal, family-style
Rather than becoming a short-order cook and providing another meal at your child’s request, it’s important for your child to get used to sharing in the one family meal. Ideally serve meals family-style where everyone can help themselves, and let your child choose what and how much to eat. It is often helpful to include at least one of your child’s favourite foods at meal times, along with new or less well-accepted foods, so that they have something to eat, even if they don’t try anything else.
Keep on trying
It can be frustrating when your child doesn’t want to try a new food. However, it can take a while for children to accept an unfamiliar and new food and may take upwards of 15 attempts before a child will accept a new food. Instead of focusing on what your cild eats, let meal times be a time where they can explore food. Let them use all their senses by touching the new food, seeing it, smelling it, hearing what it sounds like and eventually tasting it.
Become a role model
Children are great copycats! Shared meal times are a wonderful way for your little one to see you eating and enjoying the foods which have been offered. By role modelling and showing your child that you enjoy a wide variety of foods, they realise that one day they will also enjoy a wide-range of foods. Keep on trying and try not to get too discouraged, they will get there in the end.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Rather than worrying about what or how much your child may have eaten in a meal, it’s important to think about the bigger picture. Think about how much they have eaten across the day or even a week. For the most part it will usually balance out.
How long should my child sit at the dinner table for?
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to how long your child should stay seated at the dinner table. It really depends on your child (some are more active, than others!), how old they are and the time of day. You may find that some children are able to sit for much longer at the table earlier in the day but then by dinnertime, when they are over-tired, they may only last 5 - 10 minutes. The key is to be guided by them, rather than trying to stick to an arbitrary time or waiting until they have finished everything on their plate.
If you find your child is becoming disruptive, and has had enough to eat, then by all means it’s ok to let them leave the table. However, I do find that it is important to let them know that by leaving the table, that they have signalled to you that they don’t need anything more to eat. If your child leaves the table and comes back a few minutes later asking for more, gently say that by leaving the table, their "dinner has now ended” and they can have a snack later. You may be met with some resistance initially. However, they will soon begin to understand that they need to stay seated at the table, if they are still hungry.
For older children, you may be able to coax them into staying a little longer at the table by encouraging them to be part of the family conversation, rather than having to eat.
It’s important to remember that mealtimes are about so much more than the food your child eats. They are also a time for connection and bonding, as well as for exploring and sharing in the enjoyment of food.
Meal and snack routines
Children have small tummies so they will often need to eat more frequently than adults. Ideally set a meal and snack routine, which allows approximately 2 hours between each eating occasion – and stick to it, rather than allowing constant grazing. Only offer water in-between. This allows your child to feel hungry in time for their next meal or snack, in which case they are more likely to eat well. If they don’t eat, never fear, their next meal/snack is only a couple of hours away.
Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels
How can I help my fussy eater?
There are a number of ways that you can help guide your child on the path to becoming a confident eater. These include:
Eating together at the table, without the distraction of devices, as frequently as your situation allows.
Involving your child in the grocery shopping and meal preparation, as appropriate for their age. If you are unable to take your child to the supermarket, involve them in the list writing processes.
Following the Division of Responsibility.
Continuing to offer your child new foods to try, including reintroducing foods they may have declined in the past.
Removing pressure from mealtimes and focusing instead on connecting as a family.
Teaching your child to “listen to their tummies” to determine whether they are hungry or full.
Having scheduled meal and snack times, to minimise grazing and picking in-between meals/snacks.
Limiting the amount of milk your child has to drink during the day. Too much milk can leave your child feeling full and not getting all the nutrients they need. Children should have no more than 500-600ml of milk each day.
And, finally, remember to have fun!
If you are concerned your child is not eating enough or that their eating patterns are effecting their growth and development, please contact your GP or a dietitian who specialises in picky eating.